


Anger

by fab_fan



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24275779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fab_fan/pseuds/fab_fan
Summary: "Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath." - Eckhart Tolle
Relationships: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 11
Kudos: 115





	Anger

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place near the end of Episode 1x09.

The door banged with the force of a hundred windstrikes, slamming against the outside wall and startling the pair of birds lazily hopping around near the edge of it. 

Raelle burst forth, careening into the sunlight blindly. She could feel her teeth ache as she clenched her jaw. The tendons in her fingers stretched and protested as she curled them so tightly into fists the blunt ends of her fingernails dug tiny crescent moons into the meat of her palms. 

The witch jerkily marched forward, refusing to look back. Refusing to acknowledge what she was leaving behind. What she was giving up. What she had lost.

Lost.

Had she ever even had her?

Her fists tightened impossibly more as she ground her heels into the hard dirt, body and soul so out of sync that the heavens could only watch as the girl hurtled onward.

No.

She wasn’t going to think about her.

Wasn’t going to think of her name.

Her eyes.

Her lips.

Hear the voice that for so many nights whispered sweet soft words into her ear, tickling the spark of hope and adoration inside Raelle with a light kiss and breathy declaration. A voice that could be so teasing in one moment, so playful and sassy, but could then be so god damn heartfelt and loving the next.

No, not loving.

Manipulative.

Coercive.

Lying.

Lies.

It was all lies.

All a game Raelle didn’t even know she was playing. A sport she never knew existed. A fucking championship match Raelle lost without even trying.

That voice...that voice that echoed in her head like a haunting refrain. Grief stricken. Heartbroken. Mangled almost beyond recognition with sorrow and pain and...why couldn’t Raelle just believe her? Believe that she loved her? That Scylla loved her? Chose her?

Scylla.

Raelle immediately stopped moving. The unexpected halt caused her body to bend over, her feet tripping clumsily. Her teeth bit her trembling bottom lip. Tears stung her eyes.

No, she wasn’t going to cry.

She was not going to cry over her.

She needed to stop thinking about her. About it.

Goddess, why couldn’t she stop thinking about her?

_ I chose you! _

Straightening her spine, Raelle spun around, a growl unleashing as her fist swung wildly.

It cracked against the stiff bark of the tree she didn’t even know she’d gone to.

A tree.

The tree.

Their tree.

Raelle choked, the lump in her throat so large she could barely breathe. 

Images of Scylla danced in her mind.

Hugging her.

Holding her hand.

Kissing her.

Talking about their lives. About their futures. About...about…

Raelle dropped to her knees.

Rolling over, she pressed her back against the trunk, curling her knees up to her chest.

Anger. White hot rage. She let it consume her. Wished for it to consume her. Welcomed it in all its glory.

Just like when she heard her momma was dead. Wasn’t coming back.

She wanted to be angry. Needed to be angry.

She tipped her head back, letting it rest against the wood. 

Her eyes slid closed, and she breathed in deeply, holding it for a few moments before releasing it roughly. 

Scylla was Spree.

Scylla lied to her.

Scylla didn’t love her. She used her. Sought out the weakest one and played her.

_ You have no idea how powerful you are. _

A snort. Powerful? She wasn’t powerful. It didn’t matter what Abigail or Anacostia or Tally or….or Scylla said. She was the weak link. She was always going to be the weak link.

Why hadn’t Scylla just let her die? Let her fuck up enough to get sent to the front lines and end all of this quickly?

Why didn’t she let her end everyone’s misery? It was going to happen anyway. Her momma was the strongest person Raelle knew, and she died. 

That’s what they did. They died. They fought, and they died. It didn’t matter how much someone else loved you or what you were leaving behind.

Scylla was going to die.

A pain so intense it had her seeing stars exploded in her chest. Without Raelle’s permission, a tear trickled down her cheek.

Scylla was going to be sent to die.

Raelle sniffed as another tear flowed from her broken blue eyes.

_ No matter what, I love you. _

_ I chose you! _

_ I still love you. _

Raelle pursed her lips, unconsciously shaking as she felt the anger slowly slip away. She desperately clawed at it. Needed it. In its wake, all the pain she’d buried deep inside, all the pain that she forced herself to ignore, pretend wasn’t real ever since the first time her momma left because of her job and a young Raelle didn’t fully understand why Momma had to go away for so long, filled the empty cavern in her heart.

All the pain and grief she never wanted, never knew how to handle. Responded to with anger and recklessness. That had her sneaking out of her first training session and meeting a pretty girl at a fence. The doubt that had her questioning how she could fix anyone when she couldn’t even fix herself. Couldn’t save her momma. Couldn’t save anyone. No matter how hard she tried and how much of other’s injuries she took on. 

Raelle Collar. A nothing from the Cession who was slated to die early and quickly. She couldn’t help her dad, a man who lost his wife and was losing his daughter. She couldn’t help Abigail or Tally, two girls she’d come to care for like family but whose views of the world were now tainted forever. 

She couldn’t save Scylla. 

She was weak and easy prey. 

Throat bobbing, Raelle tried to summon her anger. Tried to call forth the rage of a thousand suns.

Instead, all she could do was heave out a quiet sob.

_ I still love you. _


End file.
